“Mom”

Being a mom is a title that comes in many forms, and I wear it proudly in more ways than one. Motherhood isn’t one-size-fits-all, and my journey has given me a unique perspective on the different ways to nurture, love, and guide those who depend on me.

First and foremost, I am a bio mom. The moment I held my child for the first time, I knew my heart would never be the same. The overwhelming love, the deep sense of responsibility, and the unshakable bond formed in that instant became the foundation of who I am. Every sleepless night, every tiny hand reaching for mine, every whispered "I love you" has shaped me in ways I never imagined. Watching my child grow, witnessing their triumphs and comforting them through their struggles, fills my heart with a love so deep it sometimes takes my breath away.

But my motherhood story doesn’t stop there—I am also a stepmom. This role has tested me, strengthened me, and taught me the depth of love beyond blood. Walking into a child's life and earning their trust is a delicate dance of patience and persistence. I have learned that love is not automatic; it is built in quiet moments—helping with homework, sharing laughter at the dinner table, being a shoulder to lean on. Step-parenting has shown me that family is not defined by genetics but by the willingness to love without condition, to stand beside a child and say, "I love you and I will always be there for you."

And then there’s the part of me that is a pet mom. My fur babies may not speak in words, but their love is just as powerful. They depend on me for care, companionship, and security, and in return, they provide unconditional love, comfort, and endless joy. They are a reminder that love comes in many forms, each just as real and meaningful. Each of these roles comes with its own set of challenges and rewards, but at the core of it all is love. Whether through birth, marriage, or the simple decision to open my heart, being a mom means showing up, giving my all, and cherishing the beautiful chaos of it all.

Motherhood is multifaceted, and I wouldn’t trade any part of my journey for the world. No matter how I came to be "Mom," the title is one I wear with pride, gratitude, and a heart full of love.

Crying is OK

Your kiddo comes to you, tears in their eyes, crying so hard they can’t speak. You immediately get down on their level to hug and comfort them. You hate to see a child upset; it simply breaks your heart. You squeeze them tight and say “Don’t cry, it will be ok” with warmth and love. You hold them until they stop crying. Or maybe you even ask them what happened, to try and understand where the tears are coming from. Offering your insight into the situation. All with love and good intentions.

But have you ever tried to tell a friend about how something has gone awry in your day and they tell you “It’ll be ok.”? You feel as if they didn’t hear your story or understand your pain. What you really wanted was to be validated, to be told that the thoughts and feelings you had made sense to another human. That is what your kid is looking for, too. To have a secure attachment with you that makes them feel seen and soothed.

So why do we tell our kids “Don’t cry”? It comes down to 2 main reasons:

BIG FEELINGS MAKE US UNCOMFORTABLE

We start to panic when our kids have big feelings. We reach into our stress responses to help diffuse the situation and, from a place of love, we tell them to try and tuck those feelings away. Don’t be sad. Don’t be angry. Don’t be scared. Maybe some of us even resort to humor and diversion. Not realizing we are actually trying to make the situation easier on us. All feelings, big and small, are healthy. How we express them is where the unhealthy habits come in. As parents and caregivers, it is one of the most important jobs that we have: teaching our kids to express their emotions in a healthy way.

THAT’S WHAT WE WERE TOLD GROWING UP

It is hard to know how to handle emotions when you were never taught how to do so yourself. That is why they make us so uncomfortable. We tell our kids what we were told as kids, but we know more now about thoughts, emotions, and reactions than our parents did. If we equip ourselves with this new knowledge we will be able to help our kids develop a natural capacity for emotional intelligence.

So, what are effective ways to respond that will help your child feel seen and soothed when they are having big feelings? First, take a big, deep breath and center yourself so you don’t become triggered by your child. Then acknowledge what you see and name the emotion with empathy: “I see you are crying. Is it because you feel sad?” You can ask them to tell you where they feel their emotion in their body. Is it in their hands? Their chest? Their face? Tell them it is ok to feel sad and you will be there with them until that feeling goes away. Let them cry. Hold them and comfort them. Now is not the time for them to explain what has happened or for you to try and offer advice on the situation at hand. Once they have calmed down, then you can come back to discuss what happened.

Teaching them that their feelings are ok, and encouraging them to express them in a healthy way will lead them to trust themselves and have confidence in their ability to understand their own thoughts and feelings as adults. Being able to recognize where their emotions are felt in their body will help them get to know themselves, and their reactions, better. All feelings are valid (even if they make us uncomfortable), and with practice you learn to react to them in a healthy, productive way. All of this takes time and patience, and maybe a little coaching.

Making Memories

Creative Ideas for Documenting Your Family's Adventures

As a parent, you know that time flies by quickly. Before you know it, your kids will be grown up and out of the house. That's why it's so important to make memories and document your family's adventures. As a blended family, I think it is especially important to have photos out that visualize you all together as a family. Here are a few creative ideas for documenting your family's adventures and making memories that will last a lifetime.

1. Create a Memory Wall: A memory wall is a fun and easy way to display your family's adventures. Print out your favorite photos and hang them on a wall in your home. I regularly shop at Goodwill for picture frames that add eclectic flare to our wall. This is a great way to showcase your family's adventures and keep them top of mind. Ours is in our dining room and it makes it a space that I love and often gets the kids caught up in remembering our past adventures.

2. Make a Family Scrapbook: Scrapbooking is a classic way to document memories. Create a family scrapbook and include photos, ticket stubs, and other mementos. You can also write down your favorite memories and experiences. We also have a pressed penny book and make a point to get a new penny on each vacation.

3. Have a Family Photoshoot: Hire a professional photographer to take family photos. This is a great way to document your family's adventures and growth and create lasting memories. Phones do wonders these days, so you can also take your own family photos using a tripod and a timer.

4. Make a Family Video: Create a family video using your phone or a video camera. Record your family's adventures and experiences. You can also add music and captions to make it more personal. I often get caught up taking photos and forget about videos, but the videos are some of our favorite things to look back on.

5. Start a Family Blog: If you enjoy writing, consider starting a family blog. Write about your family's adventures and experiences. You can personalize it to fit your family and have it be a place to keep memories for generations to look back on.

Documenting your family's adventures is an important part of making memories that will last a lifetime. Whether you choose to start creating a memory wall, make a family scrapbook, have a family photo shoot, make a family video, or start a family blog, the most important thing is to get started. So, what adventures will you document next?

Chores and Responsibilities

I know that there are a lot of different ways to setup chores for a household. They can be tied to allowances, you can use a chart or some type of sticker/positive rewards system, or maybe they have to complete their chores to be allowed certain privileges like screen time or social activities. Maybe you have a hard time being consistent with enforcing chores or sticking with a particular system, which would be understandable! Parenting is exhausting, and having to always be the enforcement can be one of the main contributors to that exhaustion. Now, I don’t have any special words to say to make your kids listen or make enforcing expectations easier, but I can share with you what works for us (most of the time).

We have a small white board (see picture), that has all of the chores, responsibilities, and meals for the week laid out. We do chores on Saturday morning (as the schedule allows), so we call them Saturday chores. Chores are bigger cleaning duties like vacuuming, dusting, and cleaning windows. When time allows for a slow Saturday morning, everyone is allowed to sleep in until breakfast (which would actually be considered brunch most of the time), however no screens are allowed until the dogs have been fed and taken out. Then, at breakfast, we discuss our plans for the day, remind everyone of their chores, and the expectation is set for when they will be completed, for example, by a certain time or activity or before they can get on their screens. If time doesn’t allow for this on Saturday morning, I try and fit it in on another day of the week when we have more time. We have recently changed our schedule so that we get half our kids every other weekend (the other half are here every weekend), and so our Saturday morning routine only happens every other week. The older boys and the younger boys share bathrooms, so part of their chores is also to clean their personal bathrooms. When it is only 2 of the 4 boys, I try and at least have them clean their bathroom, but I don’t feel it’s fair to make them do chores when the other set aren’t here. Although, I might just need to re-evaluate our system all together to have it fit our new schedule better. We will see…

For responsibilities, these are smaller things that need to be done more regularly than just once a week. Right now we have those set as taking care of the pets, wiping down the table after meals, garbage, and recycling. There is also the unwritten responsibility of emptying the dishwasher. If you go to put something in the dishwasher, and it’s clean, you need to empty it. That is most often turned into a divide and conquer activity as we are usually all getting ready to add something to the dishwasher after a meal or emptying lunch boxes. Whenever one of the written responsibilities needs to be done, it is that person’s responsibility to do it. No push back. No can’t so-and-so do it. No I did that last time. It rotates and everyone shares in the responsibilities that help make our household run and stay neat and tidy. Which brings me to our rewards system. There isn’t one. As a member of this household I feel it is part of taking care of your space and is seen more as an expectation than an additional job to be completed. I could see how incentives could increase productivity, and there would also be an opportunity to teach about budgeting with that, but that just isn’t the focus we put on it. Budgeting is important, but it will come later when they have jobs that make them money that they need to budget but before they enter the world of rent and endless bills.

Lastly, on our board, we have the meals for the week. My husband and I sit down every week (usually) and talk about the schedule, when we have time for more labor intensive meals or need meals with little to no prep time, and any meal requests that have been given. We then make a grocery list around those meals and try to make it to the store just once a week. Now this is usually done on a kid free day (one of the perks we created by having a blended family). I used to do the grocery shopping with all the kids, and I loved having the opportunity to talk to them about different foods, and what items are needed to cook what meals, but our schedule just doesn’t allow for that any more. I’ll talk more about grocery shopping with your kids in a future post.

Anyways, I believe that having your kids be a part of the upkeep of your home is essential for teaching them so many things, from being responsible for their space to feeling like a contributing member of the household. You can start small with just one set of expectations for duties that are most effective for you and your family. Remember, kids love helping, even the older ones, but change can be hard if there haven’t been many expectations in the past. Consistency is key!!

Check my social media for a chart of age appropriate chores. We all do our part to make are house feel like a home with the hope that it stays with them as they move out and start to create a home of their own (eventually).

Cooking with Your Kids

Cooking with my kids is one of my favorite things to do with them. I personally enjoy cooking and love that I can share that with them. Plus, I am getting the opportunity to teach them a skill that will make life outside of our home that much easier.

I have involved my kids in cooking since they were tall enough to see over the counter with a stool. Now, my oldest is 14 and can follow a recipe and make dinner for our family of 7. You can imagine how helpful that is when our other 3 have soccer practice in the evening and we’re running them around. To come home to a prepared meal is a huge help!

Something that we started to do about 4 years ago was having the boys pair up and cook dinner, then the other 2 are in charge of cleanup. They do this one night per week (when time allows). They get to pick what we have for dinner and if there will be any dessert. Then we talk about what will need to be picked up at the grocery store. I love this because not only are they learning how to cook but they are also learning about working together, cooperation, and team work.

I remember when my husband and I first started dating and he was telling me that his kids were being annoying because they wouldn’t leave him alone while he was trying to make dinner. I told him to enlist their help! Have them set the table, or stir something together. You can start small. Kids love to help and be involved in what you are doing. It’s a good opportunity to bond and they learn valuable life skills at the same time.

The Three S’s: Self, Stuff, Space

This rule is about what my children are responsible for. This helps create boundaries for themselves and a sense of responsibility. They are always responsible for themselves, their stuff, and their space. I repeat it to them often as a reminder when they have forgotten to take care of something within that realm. I want it to be a reliable reference in their mind as to where the boundary for things in their care lies. Everything outside of this is negotiable.

This means that they brush their teeth twice a day, take regular showers, eat healthy food all in an effort to take care of themselves. Responsibility for themselves is their main and most important responsibility. They gain the mindset that they are responsible for their bodies and it’s maintenance, not anyone else. It is also not their responsibility to make sure that anyone else is taking care of themselves. They can show care and concern for others, but ultimately the responsibility lies on the individual (unless, of course, that individual isn’t capable of doing it on their own, ex younger children).

Their stuff includes the things in their room, their clothes, their toys, their pets, anything that belongs to them. They are responsible for making sure it is clean (our rule is once someone is 10 years old, they start to do their own laundry), put away, and repaired as needed. If their stuff is a pet, they are responsible for feeding/watering them, picking up after them, and making sure they have a clean environment to live in. If they are too young to be responsible for their pet on their own, they are always involved when a parent cares for them.

Lastly, is their space. This includes our home, and contributing to it’s care through weekly chores and responsibilities. Always leaving a space cleaner than they found it. It also includes the space they occupy in the car or out and about. Such as clearing their place at the table after a meal.

We are a far cry from having this down like clock work. Just this morning one of my kids left the house without brushing their teeth, cups are regularly left on the table, and sometimes I come home after dropping the kids off at school and realize that the dogs should have been fed but weren’t. However, the more consistent I am with it, the clearer the expectation is. The less push back I get when I remind them of their responsibilities. Ultimately, the goal is that they will leave this house with habits that help them be responsible adults and we still have plenty of time to prepare them for that.

Curator of Chaos

Hi! Welcome to my blog about, well, my life. I am a Parent Coach, wife, mother, and pet parent. I have a blended family with my husband, 2 sons, and 2 step-sons. We also have a small zoo with 2 mutts, 1 German Shephard, 2 cats, and a slew of other small creatures and the occasional foster dog or two. On top of managing a full household, I work a full-time job with the option to go into the office if I want. I also enjoy volunteering what free time I have to my kids sports teams and being as involved as I can in their extracurriculars. Needless to say, my home is always lively and my schedule is always busy. It’s exhausting, but fun. I will say that parenting is THE biggest thing in my life, but that is usually nothing short of curating chaos. I am by no means an expert, but more of a seasoned, purposeful parent. Perfection does not live here, I promise.

I want to share with you the ups and downs of this crazy life in hopes that you might find some solace in my mistakes and some encouragement in my good choices, and hopefully more than enough to laugh about. Thanks for stopping by, I hope you find something you can take with you!